[ Mario kart with dirk ]

[zuipperpips]

[ look when your parents or possibly "parents" are way too rich for their own good you can afford to fly to see each other sometimes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Roxy emerges from a pile of wizard cats with two games in her hand ]

Okay, Mario Kart or Donkey Kong?

Comments

[zuipperpips]

[ WELL GOD IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S JUST GOING TO START SUCKING IT THIS IS WAR THE LOCATION OF YOUR DICK IS IRRELEVANT

have a turtle shell right in the monkey you fucker ]

[converselftions]

[ DICKS ARE NeVER IRRELEVANT WHaT IS WRONG WITH You

drops fucking BANANANS oNTO THE TRAck YOU DOn"T OWN HIM ]

[zuipperpips]

[ NOPE NOPE NOPE she steers MASTERFULLY around them and CROSSES THE FINISH LINE YEAHHHHHH ]

Yesss! I just owned your ass. Gonna put a couple hotels on it, charge some sicknasty amounts of bucks, you're goin' straight to jail.

[converselftions]

[ nobody ever said monkeys were good at driving ok ]

Ass hotels, the most sought-after of real estate locations.

[zuipperpips]

Bounce a quarter off that baby, you know you wanna.

[ she rolls off his lap and reaches back to grope under her desk. (the desk now feels ruined for marriage and asks if the chair will mind if it's no longer pure.) she comes up with a half full bottle of vodka and a souvenir shot glass from British Columbia, probably appearified from Dad Crocker's fatherly drinks cabinet ]

Penaltyyyyyy!

[converselftions]

[ (the chair does mind and its fucking outta here.) he resists the urge to pull a face, holds his hand out for the glass. he's too proud to wuss out of this. ]

Bring it on.

[zuipperpips]

Consider it broughten!!

[ god that was such a good movie. Anyway she fills the shot glass about three quarters full before handing it over ]

[converselftions]

[ he downs it without a second thought.

and then promptly chokes because holy fuck ]

[zuipperpips]

[ she bursts into laughter and thumps his back ]

Burns, right? That's how you know it's good!

[converselftions]

[ he... recovers... slowly. ]

I always wanted to know what it would taste like to consume a volatile liquid derived from a campfire. Who the fuck stands up to excogitate a liquor that tastes like swallowing a match. Shit's fucked up.

[zuipperpips]

Don't be such a baby! Or do you want me to mix you some girly pink thing with an umbrella next time? [ she's still giggling as she picks the controller back up ]

[converselftions]

We don't all crack into the hard liqueur, Rox. Some of us ain't privy to flaunting the status of our livers that radiate in a pitch perfect facsimile of health while disintegrating slowly from the inside out.

[ he's determined to win this time, twisting the controller in his hands as he waits for the race to begin. the sad thing about being a robotic genius is that it doesn't translate to mario kart. a fact that he curses every day of his life. ]

[zuipperpips]

Well fuck me, that is a pretty unsexy high horse you're ridin in on. I bet my liver could take yours in a fight!

[ She selects the course and goooooooo! She's gonna go easy on him this time though, because she loves da alkie ]

[converselftions]

There's nothing unsexy about a well groomed stallion.

[ why the fuck would you bring up horses roxy why the fuck. ]

[zuipperpips]

I've got a totally bitchin' idea, how about we don't talk about horse dicks?

[ she made a horrible mistake that's why ]

[converselftions]

We both know it was your subconscious desire that yearned for them to be brought up. I didn't mention horse dicks.

[ yeah well eat his monkey dust PCHOOoooOo ]

[zuipperpips]

Whaaaaaatever! [ she'd do the whatever fingers but she's kind of busy KICKIN UR ASS no she's not she's falling behind because she's distracted by horses now ]

[converselftions]

[ meanwhile he is doing EXCELLENTLY due to being immune to horse charms and also not wanting to take another shot. ]

You're thinking about them now, aren't you?

[zuipperpips]

Fuck yeah I'm thinking about them. Shit's retarded as all fuck.

[converselftions]

Can't imagine it's the first time you've gotten distracted thinking about impressive phalluses.

[ says the guy playing the monkey driving the car as he pulls across the finish line YEAH!!!! ]

[zuipperpips]

Well look at the pot calling the kettle horny. Also I totes let you win.

[ pours shot knocks back no biggie punches air just for kicks?? ]

[converselftions]

[ he probably shouldn't be impressed by how easily she downs her shots but he is because that shit burns ]

Concocting nefarious plans to get your hands on alcoholic substances? So unlike you.

[zuipperpips]

I am just really fuckin' unpredictable like that. [ holds up hand for high five YEEEEAH ALCOHOL ]

[converselftions]

[ leaves her hanging hahahaha ]

Not even Sherlock himself could get a read on you.

[zuipperpips]

[ rude??? she grabs one of his hands to make him high five her ]